*MeowZz Paradise*

Change? Me? For the worse? Or for the better?

Sunday, September 17, 2006

I thought I had
But I realise I couldn't
I thought I could
But I realise it couldn't

Had I let go?
Or could I let go?
Could I hold it back?
Or should I just let it
Flow down my face...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Although today is a Sunday, I had woke up the same time that I do everyday. I was "forced" by Geraldine...

Today, I realise that I can't eat that much anymore. This was after having 2 pieces of chicken picnic ham with plain water for breakfast, 2 small cupcakes and a packet of Yeos soya drink for lunch at 3pm, 2 more pieces of the ham and a cup of oats drink for dinner at 9pm yesterday, and feeling real hungry this morning, but past my breakfast time and couldn't eat anymore when Geraldine had her breakfast, and had lunch at 11.30am as I felt so hungry, but ended up feeling puke-y when I only finished half the plate of my food. I couldn't finish my plate of Wan-Tan Mee during dinner at 7.30pm again.. Ate only half of it..

People who doesn't see me often tells me that I'm getting more and more skinny. Perhaps it because I "chopped" of my long hair. My hair was gone a month ago. People ask me "Why had you cut off your beautiful long hair?" and tell me "Hey, you look nice in this new short hair style." But I didn't plan for it to look nice on me. I just wanted to chop it of, after having it for 8 years. Most people who knows me must had thought that I had long hair all my life. But no. I had short hair all my life, that is until 8 years ago, when I was in Secondary 3.

So why did I chop it off? I told everyone that I suffered a very big blow, and thus chopped it off. But in fact, I had wanted to cut it off 2 years ago, even before I first reborned my hair. I just wanted to give myself a chance to try other things on my hair before I cut it off, to see if it suits me then. Another reason was that I wanted to start things all over again, from scratch, just like growing my hair, but found that my hair grows real fast, and I'll need to spend more money to trim them everytime. In the past, I had went to the hairdresser only once, or the most twice, a year only. I think by the next time that I'm hitting the salon, it'll be over my shoulders again..

But am I giving myself a chance in everything that I meet? Or am I just pushing myself to a deadlock, to a no-return road? More often recently, my tears had not been listening to me. What can I do to fight it back? What can I do fulfil my first wish on my wishlist?

LA~mour @ 11:09 PM