Let's talk about my blog. Please refer to Min's msg on 5 Mar 2006. She had said that my blog is sweet. Of course.. Pink, and angelic.. But is that me?

This is what I wanted to be.. To be someone who is sweet and understanding.. But till now, I'm not. I'm known to be loud, violent, easily flamable, and more, especially to the guys. Why is this so?

How can I do my human revolution, and change myself to someone sweeter, less loud, and more considerate? I think I'm nice enough the the girls. I'm not loud, nor violent, nor easily flamable in front of them. It's the guys. They always make fun of me. The guys I know, whether ar work or Gakkai, always make fun of me, always that lame, that I can't control myself, but launch a counter-attack. How I wish I could control myself, and just take their jokes at stride, without launching the counter-attacks..

Hmm.. Am I talking about myself, or my blog?



我愿用我有限 的永远
交换曾经快乐 的泪水
穿越不安地带
穿越所有危险
来到你身边

*我有时相信美丽 的预言
却又不想如此 心甘情愿
直到你的出现
才了解这一切
因为你而改变

#you make me want to fall in love
就在这一刻
oh~也不管明天会如何
只要今生有你左右 陪着我不再寂寞
you make me want to fall in love
就在这一刻
oh~瞬间也可以是永恒
只要每个寂寞时候
爱的回忆留在我心中

就算岁月带你走
就算距离淹没我
还是一直守候着
我会永远为了你存在

只要每个寂寞时候
爱的回忆留在我心中



Immediately after I posted my previous blog, I went through the most hectic work week in my 1 1/2 years in SIAEC. It's been so long since I last had things on my table for the next day.

The month-end closing was just over, and we were rushing our reconciliations, budgets, and the different departments kept asking for the old invoices that they have not cleared, as they do not know where they had placed the ones that we had sent previously. Besides, the auditors are here. Everyone was asking me things, and Linda is not there, thus me and William had to take over. While William helped to clear the suspense accounts, I am responsible to answer to any calls and requests that the departments make, and to dig out Linda's invoices, some of which I couldn't find at all.

Well, this is what I wanted, wasn't it?



Last half an hour to the end of today's work. Yet, I have already been stoning for half an hour.

Today is deadline for February's Financial closing. I see Linda, Laytin and Adrian busy with their work, but I have finished my tasks. Was it because there are too little work for me, or was it me being fast? I choose to believe the former. I have been waiting for work to come in since don't know when. Most of the time, I help Linda with her work instead, as I really have nothing to do, no matter how deep I dig. What can I do to make myself more useful?

I've been comtemplating whether to leave or not, but not that fast. The earliest will be when I'm done with my braces. Sometimes I do ponder what do I really want to do if I were to leave SIAEC. Is it events? Or do I want to sing? Now that I've gotten my driving license, I should be starting to look for a music school that have vocal lessons. So it it The Arks Music school, or Ocean Butterfly's Music Forest? HaiZz.. so many things to think.

If I want to do events, will I be able to do it? My district just had a dialogue with RHQ5 leaders yesterday. Mr Wong, the MD Region Chief (I was so amazed when he knew my father! Yesterday was like a big realization for nearly everyone! YMD Region was full of realisation when he realised that our WD's sister was once a YWD Region Chief that he knew, and I am the cousin of a YMD he knew. I was surprised too, that my MD District Chief is Flora's father!!!) told us one thing. Nothing is impossible with the Gohonzon. We must chant and pray with the conviction that with the Gohonzon around, there will surely be time for kosenrufu, to fulfil our mission, our responsibility. But I thought that Events, or rather Wedding planning, is something that I really want to try to do, besides singing. However, I know that I'll have to work on weekends, as well as till late night, in the Events industry. That would mean I won't be able to come out for some activities. Should I be sacrificing what I want for Kosenrufu? I really do not want to sacrifice kosenrufu for my career, but is it healthy the other way round?



Well, so I've passed. Wad's next?

After struggling and spending so much $$ to get my licence, and that's it, I got it.. Then?

I had never thought of learning driving before, as I just wanted to find someone to fetch me throughout all my life. Then I realise that only my father can do this to me. Haha.. When I saw that Meiling is the only FDIC in our Zone that drives, I know that it'll be more convenient if one more person can drive, as our Zone Meeting are now held in either a FDIC or a student's home. The parents should be less worried about their kids getting lost while travelling to the meeting place, especially for the Sec 1 students. Thus, for the sake of our FD students, I took driving lessons, in hope of getting the driving license.

So, now that I've gotten it, I should be happy about being able to fetch the students. But I realise that I may not have the courage to drive alone, as I won't be able to "touch" the car till don't know when. Just hope that I'll get to drive as soon as possible..



~OhwahHhhh~ Tml mOrninG is the test le... 2nd attempt.. But how come I still feel the same way I felt just before my 1st attempt? I'm getting all jittery le.. Wasn't feeling like this until after the lesson that ended at 8pm just now.

Was feeling quite confident about the test.. until my instructor kept telling me all my mistakes again and again, and getting all stressed up, and I don't understand what he saying.. I thought that I had did what he said, then he say I didn't do it.. HaiZ..

For example, just now in Circuit, when we were doing the crank course, I knew he had told me to "Keep Left to Turn Right, Keep Right to Turn Left". I did that. I kept very right to turn left, and very left to turn right. He also told me to make sure that the curb is seen at that point before I turn the steering wheel. I just did that.. Then he say I turn too early, and kept saying, “要闯到了，要闯到了！！” I was like "huh? where got?"

He also said at a time my clutch too high, then the next he say I cannot step on my clutch pedal.. I was like all confused.. I was in gear 1 at both times, and going at around the same speed.. So when should I be stepping my clutch, and when should I not?

All these wasn't pointed out before, and just like before my 1st attempt, all these mistakes emerged at only 1 lesson BEFORE THE TEST!! AND IT'S MAKING ME ALL NERVOUS!!! WHY AREN'T THESE MISTAKES POINTED OUT BEFORE? AND WHY ARE THE LESSON SO SERIOUS ONLY NOW?

BooHooHoo.. I wAnna Cry le.. tml morning then is the test.. I dunno how I am going to handle it... I MUST PASS!!!

I guess my daimoku not enough.. I'll chant 1 hour tonight... 零时抱佛脚。。Must chant for the high life condition to handle my instructor's comments during tml's lesson, as well as the examiner.. Must chant for the wisdom to be able to react the right way no matter what happens.. These should be the most important prayers now.. Are there anymore? I can't think now...

GO CHANT NOW LAR!! STILL BLOG!!!!!!!!!



The following is what I had shared this afternoon at our SWE Kenshu. I'm posting it here so that I can remember what I had said..

"When I got to know from Sze Nee that I'll be one of the panel speakers sharing my testimonial and experience in SWE, I was kind of in a mixed feeling. On one hand, I was asking Sze Nee "Why me? I got nothing to share lar..", on the other, I was thinking to myself , "Ok, so after having done dancing, singing and acting on stage, my First Time for sharing my experience will be dedicated to SWE"

I remembered that I had join the then Soka Syphonic Band in Mar 1996, after my WD, who got to know that I was learning to play the piano and violin, told my parents that there is such a culture group. I was only in Sec 1and the only one who was that age then. As I was thinking through my 10 years in SWE, I realised that quite a number of memorable "First Times" were actually dedicated to SWE.

While most people had their first times in their Secondary or Primary School, I had picked up my clarinet for my first "First Time" in SWE. Many thanks to Flora, Big Vanessa, Kia Hwee, Hwee Lin, Mr and Mrs Chua, who had patiently guided me through the critical intital stage, I managed to pick up clarinet and scrape through my first concert with the band at the end of the year - Symphony of Joy IV in December 1996. This is my second "First Time" in SWE - I could actually perform without stage fright! Perhaps at that time, I thought that I could hide behind everyone else thus my stage fight did not emerge.

The third "First Time" happened when I was in Sec 3, as a librarian with Weifen and Waisum. And once I was appointed as a librarian, I continued my responsibility for 7 years, sometimes standing alone. Finally, I handed over the responsibility to Alice, Chiuling, and my sister last year. My fourth "First Time" would be the first stamps on my first passport - the trip to Holland for WMC, and Shanghai for an exchange. And currently, I'm fulfilling my fifth "First Time" in SWE, by sharing my experience.

So what made me stay in SWE for a whole 10 years? For a lot reasons, I could say. One reason, which I think most of my seniors would know, is that I had supper supportive parents. The support that my parents gave me then were super exaggerating, as they would, together with my sister and brother, accompany me to HQ BR, our training venue then, and stay there till I've ended my practice, which was 2 - 7 pm, if I didn't remember wrongly. Every senior knows all my family members.

Besides having such supportive parents, of course, I must have felt something for the band too. I remember looking forward to sundays every week. Although I was quite upset a couple of times, when my parents took my siblings to the beach while I had to have band practice, I still enjoyed every moment that I've spent in SWE.

When I was appointed as a librarian, I felt all the more I need to be at the band practice every week, by hook or by crook, as my passion then had turned into responsibility. I knew that my co-librarians then had more to worry than me, be it school work, relationships, or family, thus I knew that I must be the one there in order that there will always be at least one librarian available for every practices. This responsibility and pasion even made me come for band practices in preparation for the WMC, in the midsts of my "O" Level. Of course, I'm human too, and thus I do have times when I felt like leaving the band, but when I thought about my responsibility in SWE, this thinking immediately vanishes from my mind. This was how I hung on for some of the years, especially during the period when Flora, Big Vanessa and Kai Hwee were not around, as I was the acting Section Leader too, thus have to sustain the section till they return to their roles.

Perhaps I wasn't as important as I thought I was, but it was this thinking that there is something I need to do for the band, and the band needs me around, be it for the scores, or for my section, that keeps me going.

I won't be leaving this band as long as I can play my clarinet. I have to repay gratitude to the band, as it is the first place in Gakkai that I grew up in, be it physically, emotionally, or mentally. I had grew from a timid, shy and and introvert 12 year old girl, who always says "I don't know", to a more courageous person, with near to zero stage fright. Besides, I had always wanted to be a stage performer, especially as a singer, and it is because of the stage experiences with SWE, that made me have the courage to, for my First Times, act as a leading lady for the Skit Florence Nightingale as part of my Renaisance Training, in front of all SSA YWDs, to dance with a few different groups of people for meetings and concerts, and to sing solo wth unplug for Friday Rendezvous last August, all at ICA with 900 audiences and more. I know that I wouldn't be in SD if I wasn't in SWE, neither will I be a FD IC, nor a District leader. Neither will my sister be the librarian for SWE now, nor a SD IIC, nor a District Leader, as my sister told me a few years after she joined the SWE, that it's because of the positive change in me while I was in SWE, that made her take up faith in Nichiren Daishonin's Buddhism, and become active in SWE, SD and 4D.

Now, although I've returned the responsibility of a section leader to Big Vanessa and Kia Hwee, I am still involved in the homevisiting of my section members, and their welfare, as I'm no longer the little girl who always need someone to look after her, but a big sister to my juniors, whom I have the responsibility in guiding them to the correct path.

Lastly, let me share a phrase from the poem "Youth" by an American Poet, Samuel Ullman, written in dedication to General Douglas MacArthur, the Supreme Commander of the allied forces which occupied Japan after World War II, which Ikeda Sensei had shared in the 61st Headquarters Leaders Meeting on 19 December 1992. It reads, "You are as young as your faith, as old as you doubt; as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear; as young as your hope, as old as your despair."

Ikeda Sensei further explained, that firm faith and prayers, together with our deep determination, strenghthens our life force. When you believe what's right, when you direct your thoughts in the right direction, you can attain the correct faith that leads to happiness.

Hope that everyone of us can be determined to make SWE work, together. Thank you."



On February 27, SGI President Ikeda dedicated the following three poems to the young women’s division members in Japan and around the globe, with prayers for their happiness and victory.

Hearts dancing
with joy
again today, how noble is a youth
dedicated to kosen-rufu.
**
Princesses illuminated
by the moon’s gentle light,
how pure is the brilliance
of your devotion
to your mission.
**
I applaud you, royal emissaries
of the Mystic Law—
O the beauty of your warm
and friendly smiles.

(Translated from the February 28, 2006, issue of the Seikyo Shimbun, the Soka Gakkai daily newspaper)

the angel

# finance officer
# violinist
# clarinetist
# singer
# dancer
# bodhisattva of the earth

loves

# singing
# dancing
# music
# chocolate
# pink

wishes

# always be happy
# bring happiness to people
# to sing
# further education in communications

readings

# the alchemist
# the white russian
# falling leaves
# tuesdays with morrie
# the five people you meet in heaven
# for one more day
# the kite runner
# the little prince
# totto chan: the little girl at the window
# da vinci code
# digital fortress

fellow angels

*f.a.m.i.l.y*
:: mei.zi

*s.o.k.a*
:: alvin.khoo
:: huimin.loi
:: shuhui.tan

*t.p.s.d*
:: fabian.ng
:: jeraldine.tan
:: zhirhong.foo

*f.d*
:: boonhao.lim
:: future.division
:: jasmine.chew
:: joey.tay
:: yingqi.chen
:: yunting.chen

*s.n.c.o*
:: candy.chye
:: chelsea.ng
:: desmond.chew
:: guangyi.chua
:: jasmine.chye
:: kailing.shim
:: noven.chan
:: vanessa.lim
:: weili.liang

*f.r.i.e.n.d*
:: andre.hanz.lee

*s.t.o.r.e.s*
:: hampigal
:: pretty.pink.pink
:: the.sister.company
:: vogue.chamber

seeks

:: daisaku ikeda library
:: daisaku ikeda quotes
:: sgi
:: sgi experiences
:: ssa
:: ssa youths

past

:: February 2006
:: March 2006
:: April 2006
:: May 2006
:: June 2006
:: August 2006
:: September 2006
:: October 2006
:: November 2006
:: December 2006
:: January 2007
:: April 2007
:: May 2007
:: June 2007
:: July 2007
:: August 2007
:: September 2007
:: October 2007
:: November 2007