*MeowZz Paradise*

Fluctuation

Monday, December 18, 2006

I finally knew why I fell.

I went to SNCWE prac on Sat, finding NiKee with 4 stiches at her chin, as she fell on Wednesday too. This tells me that my fall is really nothing.

I went to my 4D discussion meeting after that, and found a WD asking why she always fell and fall sick after visiting a funeral. I told them I fell too. Twice. On my way to homevisits. And what does this mean?

Airena fell yesterday during our "The Race of Wat, The Watt of Race". She only suffered a little scratches on her knees, but her jeans was torn at that part. This made me tell her that the fall is nothing, and she was brave to pick herself up, and showed her my wound.

So my fall was not for nothing.

** *

After a very heavy weekend, I finally am able to rest. I'm on leave from today till thursday, doing nothing at home.

I'm not sure what I can accomplish this week. My reason for taking leave, was so that my friends at work (I don't call them colleagues. They are more than that to me..) won't celebrate my birthday with me. I don't want to make them busy by celebrating it for me, cracking their brain for a gift for me, and making a surprise for me. These are to be done by me to them. I'm not that worthy of them treating me this way. I'll feel bad about it. That's why i took leave, to save them from these.

I remember I cried on my way home last year, after they celebrated my birthday with me and Tracy at Swensons at Changi Airport. That was because that was the first birthday without my family then, as I had moved in with my aunt. Another was seeing him unexpectedly just 2 1/2 hours before my birthday then, without knowing if he knew that it was my birthday in a few hours' time. The last, was me feeling very touched by my friends at work, which I very much wanted to tell them immediately then, but again, these words got stuck in my mouth, and couldn't come out. Not even in sms.

** *

Yesterday Rained. Heavily. After having fine weather in the mornings for a week. It's not just me and the Bishan FDICs who didn't put in more than enough daimoku. All the zones who held their outings yesterday too.

It was raining like nobody's business yesterday. Rain. Stop. Rain again. Stop again. Rain somemore. And stop finnaly when we ended the gathering.

We moved our outing from the MacRitchie Reservoir to a few blocks in Bishan. We dragged the timing initally, by going to and fro MacRitchie Reservoir, but eventually, managed to complete our game, and finished on time.

I was really a challenge to us, as well as the SICs, and the students. We must not feel dampened by the rain, and instead, must be able to heighten the spirits of those who were there.

I very much want to thank Yueshan, Joey, Melanie, Vivien for their help in the race, and Gwyrence for helping Ming Wei to collect our lunch. Without them, I don't think Yunting and me can do much, without Chee Poh and Daniel there.

I was so shag when I reach home, that I don't feel like moving already. I ran to here, ran to there.. My leg, hands, shoulders, and even waist are aching now.

After which, Raymond called me, and gave me a deadline of submitting all the information he asked from me for the GSF by 10pm last night. I was like breaking down after hanging up his call. I couldn't take it anymore.

Thank you Kui Bao. It's really my good fortune to ask you to help me in the song 2 years ago. Or I won't be able to move on now. Thanks for settling it together with me. Am really appreciative of your actions. It's my initiative to get this song done, to submit this song to GSF, and also me who felt like giving up on it.

I do feel like a burden to others at times. I admit a can be a tortise at times. I even thought of how nice it would be to slip into a coma, and waking up finding that GSF was over, and had been a success. But still, I know that I may have to face other challenges ahead when I wake up. And what about my parents and those who are concerned about me? I am just being selfish not to consider their feelings.

THANK YOU eveyone! Without anyone of you around, passing my in my life, or staying permanently, I won't be able to go so far. I might have just given up, collasped, or just went crazy long time ago..

Anyway, it's raining like nobody's business again.

LA~mour @ 10:58 AM