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Think That Thought

Sunday, October 15, 2006

I'm shallow. That's what I think about myself. I can't seem to have anything in mind to speak about. Not to my colleagues, not to my members, not even to myself. Most of the time, I think that I am lame, that kind of lame-ness which I don't even like myself to be doing. And besides being lame whenever I speak, I don't know any other ways to interact. I don't. I always wanted to be a demure, sweet and knowledgeable young lady, but I ended up being loud, crazy, ignorant. A total opposite of what I wanted to be. Why? I had been a shy and introvet child, who doesn't speak much. Why is the change in me like this? I can't portray myself otherwise now. It's very difficult.

** *

A young lady slipped and fell in front of me last thursday. It wasn't on a normal road. It was in the MRT. She had tried to run into the train when the door started closing. And she lost her footing, and her right leg fell into the gap between the train and the platform, when the door closed halfway. I was standing at that door. The immediate reaction that me and two other male passengers had, was to hold on to the door, and try to pry it open, to allow the lady to "retrive" her leg. Another lady had helped her to get up. Luckily she was wearing jeans.

Everybody and turned to look at her direction. It must have been really embarrassing for her, as she dared not look up at that instant. She didn't even thank the lady, nor the two men who helped her.

That's a typical Singaporean. Can't really blame her though. If it was me, I would also have hoped that I wasn't there at all. But it's just basic courtesy to thank people who helped you in one way or another. Where are Singaporeans' manners?

** *

I wrote about having 3 new colleagues in my last blog. The one that I had mentioned was my coursemate, in my batch, in Temasek Polytechnic, whom I had never seen in my whole poly life. Now's I'm going to mention another lady.

She didn't manage to build quite a good image even before she first stepped into our office. A week before she came, there were already rumors that she had ran off after working a few days, in another of our subsidary companies. People, and even those in my "gang", had started to talk about her, "betting" on how long she'll stay, and things like that. Besides, she didn't live a good impression to all the other Finance colleagues in the week that she was here either. I hear comments about her being unfriendly, looking fierce, trying to dig into people's words, but kept all of hers to herself, etc, etc.

She had actually talked to us, that's me and Shaun, when she at last joined us for lunch. She did have more smile on her face by then, and she even tell me that she's going to the canteen to pack her lunch last Friday. People started giving me advise on not to give her too much information about them to her, and about me to her too, as she maybe trying to scheme or something like that.. But I thought that we should give her a little bit more time to adapt. This time round, she is a permanent staff, not a temporary staff, who will eventually leave in a few months' time. I feel that it's a little too much of us to give her a "death sentence" even before she can defend herself.

Maybe she had been hurt in her previous jobs, and thus a wall of defence was built from the begining? Shouldn't we, then, help to melt her wall, and bring her closer to humanity, letting her know that there are still very nice people out there.

I don't know. I really don't know. The advices that I've been receiving does not match those that I think are right. What can I do?

LA~mour @ 10:45 PM